Changes....

Today's post is titled Changes...please forgive me for the long period between updates. As you will read, we have been going through lots of change in the past two weeks. Please forgive me for jumping around while posting. As I was blogging, things would come back to me and I would jot them down. I wanted to get everyone up to date on Cory's progress so I didn't get as detailed as I have in the past. I do type these blog updates but it seems like when I have a chance to sit down and type, a doctor walks in or Cory re-learns a skill and we celebrate. I want to share with you the change in Cory...I firmly believe it was because of all of your prayers to have been sending to Heaven. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

On November 22, Cory had the bone flap replaced and they were able to do a biopsy of the nodules in his lungs. The nodules were a type of fungus, although he is on two types of anti-fungals, the doctors wanted to get samples to see if they could narrow down what they were and treat them with a different medicine. They were able to get samples but could not tell anything from them so we are just continuing with the same medicine. As for the bone flap replacement, Dr. Whitehead had taken numerous samples from the brain area to have tested for any type of infection. All of those tests came back clean. Cory had two types of drains put in, a bulb drain and an EVD, external ventricular drain.

A bulb drain is a surgical drainage device used to pull excess fluid from the body by constant suction. The device consists of a flexible rubber bulb—shaped something like a hand grenade--that connects to an internal drainage tube. Dr. Whitehead put two bulb drains in.

The EVD is a small tube inserted into the brain to drain the extra fluid. The part of the brain where the tube is placed is called the ventricle. The fluid flows from the brain, through the EVD, and into a bag. The bag hangs on the head of the patient’s bed or on an IV (intravenous) pole. The doctor and nurse check how much fluid drains into the bag. The EVD has a device that helps measure pressure in the brain as fluid drains. It lets the doctor and nurse know if the extra pressure is decreasing. The EVD is used for a period of time and then is removed. Dr. Whitehead told us these drains would remain in for up to two weeks.

While in PICU, he started his second round of chemo. This month, the chemo schedule has changed. He is receiving his treatments for only eight days and the recovery time is 22 days. At the end of this period, we will do another bone marrow test and lumbar puncture to check if the cancer has returned.

I want to clearify something from an earlier post and from information that was sent out through text messages. Cory is not considered to be cured of his cancer. Yes, we received clean test results from the bone marrow and lumbar puncture. The doctors stressed that is only from one place in Cory's body. We don't know what is going on in other parts of Cory's body. It is not the norm for test results to come back clean in the first month. Yes, it is a great thing to celebrate and be joyful about considering the stressful situation Cory had been in the weeks before but we are always under the assumption that Cory still has leukemia. We are still continuing with the entire plan of chemo treatments. I know questions were asked about us continuing treatment since we had clean results so I just wanted to clear it up. The only way Cory will be officially classified as cured is if he has clean test results for two years after treatment has ended.

We stayed in PICU until Wednesday.We were told since Cory did not have the breathing tube anymore, we were able to move to the Pediatric Care Unit. I will admit that was a very scary thing for me. I mean, don't get me wrong, I was ecstatic we were well enough to be moved but I was terrified. The PICU nurses made us feel so secure and had formed that womb of protection over Cory, I didn't want to leave but leave we must. We were told we would move sometime that day. Finally, around 10:00 pm, we were moved to Pediatric Care Unit. The next morning, one of the bulb drains were removed. The attending doctor on the floor couldn't understand why we were in her unit because Cory was doing so well. We met with Dr. Foster that morning and she told us Cory is looking good and was responding well to his chemo. It was a great meeting to have on Thanksgiving. Cheyenne had come up the night before so we went back to our hotel room and enjoyed a Thanksgiving meal provided by our great friends from EC. Mom, Chey and I said our prayers of thanks for what God had given us and we had our meal. We were sad we could not share this meal with Cory but we knew it would only be a matter of time and we would be able to sit with Cory and share a meal of thanks. After lunch, we received a phone call informing us that Cory would be moved again. So we hurried up and returned to the hospital to pack our room and move again, this time we moved to the Neurology Unit. Yes, we only stayed in PCU for 14 hours....

Cory was still taking chemo and was doing well. He sleeps on the days when he is given his chemo through an IV drip. He finished the IV drip on Saturday but still received his chemo through an IV push. On those days, he starts to regain his strength. He is still receiving his nutrition, which is a liquid formula, through his g-button.

His neurosurgeon came in on Friday and removed the second bulb drain. He was still getting a little drainage into the EVD. They would continue to watch it to see if any additional drainage would happen.

That afternoon, we had a very special gift given to us. The therapist that had been working with Cory in PICU came to visit. She asked if we would like to get Cory up...Cheyenne, Mom and I looked at each other and said YES! She said okay, let's go. She slowly got Cory into position and she had him sitting on her knee and we were all able to give Cory a full hug. There was not a dry eye in the room....we cried, Cory cried and the therapist was even crying. It was the best Thanksgiving we ever had...

Cory was starting to feel good and was beginning to explore with his hands. He would try and rub his head and when he felt the drain lines, he would try and pull them out. Since Cory was getting that active, we had to restrain his left hand. It is heartbreaking as a mother to make the decision to restrain your child, to know he wouldn't understand at this point why his hand was tied to the side of the bed but it was done for his best interest. Cory decided that he didn't like it and did things his way. He would move his body down to where he could touch his head with his hand or he would get mad and actually pull out of his restraint! I laughed and thought it was appropriate for Cory to do so but immediately worried on what to do then. When the decision was made to restrain him, he still had lines and drains attached that would monitor his condition, what do we do now that he is pulling free? The nurses said the next step is something they call a "no-no" It is basically a brace that is 7 inches long with Velcro and you wrap it around the area of the elbow. You are not supposed to be able to bend the elbow to get close to the face. I agreed and with that decision, I lost Mother of the Year...I had the feeling of total shame. I know I was doing it for the health of my son but damn, it hurt. Luckily, we only had to wear that thing for a day. On Saturday afternoon, Cory's neurosurgeon came in and removed the last drain. He was not draining anymore fluid so it was not needed. I was very relieved to know we were finished with those things and the restraints.

I had told the therapist that Friday, I wanted to start working with Cory as soon as possible as much as possible. I didn't want to wait any longer and she agreed. Cory had been immobile for five weeks and he needed to start moving again. That weekend, he had physical therapy and occupational therapy once a day. When the week started, he was getting it twice...once in the morning and once in the afternoon.

Now, this is where I have to change up the way I explain how things are going. Instead of doing a detailed explanation of our day, I am only going to tell you how Cory started that week and tell you where we are as of today.

November 29

Cory started that week only able to move his left arm and leg with purpose. He moves his right leg slowly and does not recognize his right arm at all. He does not speak and seems to not hear. He has no expressions and his only form of nutrition is by formula through his g-button in his belly. He can't support his weight on his legs, can't move his feet to walk. He can't sit up on his own and has his days and nights mixed up. He does not have any tear production. We don't know if he can see and if he can, we don't know how far he can see. He gets upset when he doesn't feel hair on his head.

December 7

Cory can move his left arm and both legs with purpose. He recognizes his right arm and there is some movement returning. He can support his weight and he can walk with assistance. He can sit without support and he can crawl on his bed to his pillows and lay down. He can hear, we had his hearing tested, and he is starting to say three simple words. He smiles, he cries, with tears, and his tickle reflex is slowly returning. He is eating table food, which means he will either feed himself or if he is tired, we feed him, and we do not have the formula feeding at all. He is no longer upset he doesn't have hair. He will give hugs and kisses.

I have to add, Cory can do all of this and more only if Cory wants to do it. He still has that temper and if he is mad, don't expect him to do anything. He will shut his eyes and just lay there. It is very frustrating to see him shut down but it makes my heart sing seeing the temper that was there before this happened. My mom and I have come to the agreement that Cory is realizing alot of things about his condition. He knows something is wrong and he has mood swings especially in the afternoons. Monday, he said his first word...home. He would say that word as he was trying to climb out of bed. I told him we all wanted to go home but he must get well and he must re-learn how to walk again. He just kept saying that word and cry and squeeze our necks. He would give kisses and hugs like that's all it would take to get to go home. I told him I wish it was that easy but we have lots to do. I told him he is very sick and the doctors are working to heal him. I told him we have lots of work to do too, re-learning everything again. I told him we will all cry together but we will be here to help him. Cory has a long road ahead of him to recover from his stroke and to beat his cancer but he will do it, as I have said in earlier posts, I know it in my heart. I know we will walk out of the doors of TCH in the spring just like we walked in October 19, hand in hand, only this time...he will not be sick, he will be healthy and whole....

Update....

November 22, 2010

Just wanted to let everyone know Cory is back in his room. He did a great job in surgery and they went ahead and did the biopsy on his lung. We are waiting to go see him and I will do a more detailed entry later today. I am now going to take a cat nap...

Love to all....

Jenn

Surgery....

Cory was just taken back to surgery. He is having the bone flap replaced and possibly having the biopsy done on the modules in his lung. Dr. Whitehead said he should be in surgery for at least 2-3 hours.

Please pray for a successful procedure and please pray for Dr. Whitehead and his team. I will post an update when he gets out.

Jenn

Let the sun shine in....

November 18, 2010

Be strong and do not lose heart.  Refuse to give up.  The enemy would have you to believe in hopelessness, but he will not succeed as long as you maintain your position of hope.  Give him no ground.  Take the time and make the effort to exercise your faith and to believe Me and know that I have heard your prayers, says the Lord.

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.

               ---2 Corinthians 4:17

We have had good news this week and Cory had a temper tantrum...

The good news....

As I mentioned in my earlier post, we were going to do a bone marrow test and a lumbar puncture. Here are the official results....

All tests showed no CANCER CELLS!!!! We are technically cancer free!!!!

Our oncology doctors said we couldn't have asked for better results. It is very rare that the first bone marrow test comes back clean but we knew better...we had faith that the Lord would answer our prayers. Now back to reality, this is wonderful news but we still have a very long road to go. Even though these tests came back with favorable results, we are not out of the woods yet. We have four more cycles of chemo and I am sure there will be bumps in the road with those but considering where we have been, this is definitely wonderful news. We will be starting the next round of chemo this weekend but for now we will take them and shout from the highest rooftop Cory is Cancer Free!!!! Now back to our serious mode....

Cory's temper tantrum...

Yesterday, Cory was scheduled to go for an upper-GI to check for acid-reflux. He is going to get a g-tube inserted in his belly today and he can't have reflux. He went down for the test and he did pretty well until he was given the contrast fluid. Well, let's just say he didn't like it at all...he threw it up...all over everyone. Needless to say, the nurses were not happy with that. His nurse, Annabell, said they were trying to roll him to the right so the contrast could drain and he decided he was going to roll all the way over. Well, when he did that, he busted open his incision on his head. It was only a small area but it was enough that Dr. Whitehead needed to be called in for a repair job. When he looked at the area on Cory's head, Dr. Whitehead decided to go in and put a drainage tube in and he also decided to take Cory back to surgery on Tuesday and replace the bone flap...a month earlier than expected. Again, Cory doing what Cory wants to do...

The rest of the night was uneventful but after the day we had, we couldn't ask for anything more.

Cory had a cat scan this morning around 4:00 am to check the positioning of the drain tube in his head. After that, he slept the morning away to prepare for his surgery inserting his g-tube. He went in around 1:30 pm and came out around 2:30 pm. Surgery went very well his surgeon said.

We had another cat scan earlier this week to check for any signs of infection. They found nodules on his lungs and it was thought to be a type of fungus. This is nothing out of the ordinary for a cancer patient. We are constantly in contact with different types of fungus. Since we have an immune system, we can fight it without issue. Since Cory doesn't have an immune system, he has to take anti-fungal medication, which he has been on since he started chemo. The infectious disease doctors want to get a sample of it so we can better treat the infection so it won't get out of control. He will be going in for a biopsy Friday after lunch. He is also back on antibiotics because of the incident with his incision.

I think that covers it in regards to updates on Cory. We have been blessed with such wonderful news and we have everyone to thank for it. Without your prayers and positive thoughts, I know the outcome would have been different.

An update on the people we have met in PICU....

I have great news about the 16 year old that was in a car wreck a couple of weeks ago in Nacogdoches. We found out she had broken every bone in her body from her neck down except her collarbone and one of her feet. She went into surgery last week and she was pinned and plated back together. She was moved to Pediatric Care Unit, upstairs, this past weekend. Her uncle came down yesterday to check on Cory and to give us an update on her. He said she was doing very good and could possibly be moved to a room next week.

We have met another family while here. Their daughter was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA) Type 1. Spinal muscular atrophy is a group of inherited diseases that cause progressive muscle degeneration and weakness. This is a fatal disease with no cure at this time. She is the cutest little girl with big eyes and dark hair. She is battling an upper respiratory infection and is holding her own. Please say a special prayer for this little girl.

I will close this post this evening...I need to go and check on our little man. I feel he is no longer mine anymore, he is every one's little man. We have all been praying so hard and so long that the wonderful test results are not just our victory, it is every one's victory. Thank you again for all your thoughts and prayers you have been sending our way over the past month, yes, it has been one month. We have fought so hard and so long that some days it doesn't feel that long but then some days it feels like it has been a lifetime.

Keep the faith that Cory will win the fight...that we will be driving into EC this spring with a healthy little man telling me "Hurry up Momma, I gotta get home to play with my Star Wars toys....I missed them and I want to be home...."

God Bless you All....

Jenn

Be still and you will hear Me...

November 15, 2010

Calm yourself and listen to My still, small voice.  If you will hush the noise of fear and confusion, you will hear and be directed by wisdom.  Stand strong in faith and refuse to allow the enemy to get the upper hand in any situation.  Do battle in the power of My Spirit to defeat the devil where you find him, says the Lord.  I will cause you to come forth in great victory!

James 3:13-18  Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom.  But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic.  For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.  But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.  Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. 

"Small straws in a soft Wind" by Marsha Burns

The above quote came from a website a Facebook friend had posted. I read this and thought it was appropriate for how last week was going for me. I want to apologize for the long period between postings. The time here is starting to wear on me...I am wanting to be home with my family. I know we have a long journey ahead...as Brother Dubroc told me last week, this is now a marathon...how true that statement is. I remember my Mom always saying my Grandma never wanted to be in the hospital at all and I couldn't understand why. I do now...it is a strong force of absolutely wanting to be home with every fiber of your being. Last week, I wanted to pack my little man up and get back to EC but this week is better. I feel more at peace with us staying here. I have finally given up that control issue and now I just roll with the flow.

Let me update you on what's been going on with Cory...

Overall, we have seen small changes in his appearance. His color is getting better and the swelling is gone except for his head. The area where the surgery was performed is still badly swollen. At the end of last week, a cat scan was done to check for any type of fluid blockages or water on his brain. Well, we passed that test...no blockage or water on the brain. Cory has a hard time keeping his head turned to the left...with the amount of swelling on the right side and no muscle tone/strength in his neck, his head always turns to the right. I feel, this is why the swelling is not going down. The nurses are now making sure he is either laying on his left side or we have his head turned to the left. Dr. Whitehead, the neurosurgeon who preformed the surgery, checked on him and said everything looked good and hopefully we could put the bone flap back in soon.

He is moving a great deal on the left side. He moves his hand, arm and leg. If the nurses put his teddy bear, Teddy, on that side and he doesn't like it, he will pick it up and move it to where he wants it. A definite sign he is still in control! He will still give a look of irritation if I tickle his feet or if I am talking about something he is embarrassed about. He will pull the sheet up to his chest if someone is in the room and he doesn't want them to see him without a shirt. He is starting to have some movement with his right leg. He will move it around and he is starting to shift his body around. Still no movement with his right arm but I know that will come soon. I don't know how much therapy is being done with his arm since he has the PIC line there but I will get with the ladies from therapy to find out what is being done.

As of today, we have been fever free for 48 hours. He was taken to have a cat scan earlier evening to check for any type of bacterial or fungal infections that aren't showing up through the numerous cultures being preformed in the lab. We will receive those results some time on Tuesday. If it comes back negative, we can start to cut back on the antibotics and anti-fungal medications. His white cell count was at 1000 on Saturday and slowly climbing. He has also been off his breathing machine since Saturday. He still has his breathing tube but he is breathing on his own. Yea!!

We have two very important tests tomorrow, a bone marrow test and a lumbar puncture. Cory will be taken down to surgery and will have a sample of his bone marrow taken from his hip. It will be checked to see how it is responding to the chemo. While there, they will be taking a sample of the spinal fluid to see if there are cancer cells present. I don't know the time of these procedures so it will be a very long hard day, hoping and praying for a positive outcome of these tests. I have faith everything will turn out okay but I am still scared to pieces. We will get those results on Wednesday.

With all these improvements, I am so very scared. I have to stop myself from celebrating and thinking we are out of the woods. We are still battling cancer...cancer. A disease that comes with no warning...that can kill. We were approached last week with the talk of what ifs...I told the doctor that failure and giving up is not an option. My faith in God, my faith as a mother and my belief in my son tells me in the spring, we will be leaving this hospital and going home. Anything else is not acceptable. We will continue to fight and we will win. Cory has the determination of the Morton's and the Sheryl's and the Matzke's and the Labay's...he will make it through this....

More signs of God's presence....

I have to share a message God sent to me this past Friday morning. I had gone to our motel room to get an hour of good sleep (Cory's term), shower and I returned to the hospital. I was in the waiting room and wanted to get on the computer. I was in a chair that was not next to a plug and saw an open chair that was. I asked the lady on one side if she was holding it and she said no. I asked the lady on the other side if she was holding it and she said no. I moved to the chair and started pulling out my laptop. The lady on my right asked how things were going and I told her our story. She told me not to lose my faith and miracles do happen...she was an example. She told me she had been adopted and her birth mother had done drugs while pregnant and she only had one large mass for her brain. Normally, a brain consists of two hemisphere and two lobes; her brain was not that way. She also told me that she had been in a car accident when she was younger and she was left in a coma. The doctors had told her adopted mom there was no hope and since she signed a donor card, the team of doctors were ready to harvest her organs. Her mother asked to see the doctor outside the room. When they walked outside, her mother pinned the doctor against the wall and told him never talk like that in front of her daughter and to send the team away, her daughter would recover. The mother had to get a court injunction to keep her alive and asked the judge for 30 days. It took two weeks for the judge to grant it and two weeks later, her daughter woke up. It took a very long time to recover but she did. While in the coma, this lady said she heard her nurse talk to her and sing. One day when the pain was at its worst, she asked God to take her away. She said she heard God's voice and He told her there were three things she needed to know before He did. She said the third thing she couldn't remember and she always wondered what it was but recently figured it out. She then opened her phone and showed me a picture of her daughter. She said she was told she would never be able to have children but that was her daughter and she was six months old. She felt that was her destiny. Her husband came out and she packed up her stuff to go. As she got up, I thanked her for sharing her story with me. She winked, smiled and said that's why you sat by me... 

As you know from an earlier post, I have been praying to St. Therese. She sent me a message this Saturday morning...

Cheyenne came up Friday evening and spent the night with me. We had gone back to the motel to shower and change. While we were there, I was unpacking some stuff Chey brought up. As I was walking by our beds, I smelled roses. I froze in my tracks...I asked Cheyenne if she opened anything or sprayed anything and she said no. I looked around to see if any type of powder had opened in one of Mom's bags...nothing. The rose smell was only in one spot in the middle of the room...a place I had walked through several times that morning. Cheyenne asked me what the question was for and I told her I smelled roses just as strong as if I were in a rose garden...I only smelled it that one time in the room. I asked Mom that night if she had anything in her bag that smelled of roses and she said no. I said a mental thank you prayer to St. Therese and God for our blessings and I continue to pray....

I am closing my entry tonight...it is almost 2:00am and I need to get some sleep for the day ahead. Thank you once again for the thoughts and prayers you are saying for Cory and our family...I know in my heart it is all of your prayers that are helping Cory make it through this rough time and helping him recover. God Bless You All!!

Monday, Monday

November 8, 2010

Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me.

Monday Monday, can't trust that day,
Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be
Oh Monday Monday, how you could leave and not take me.

Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time

Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me.

Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time

Monday Monday, ...

 

Monday, Monday.....

1966, The Mamas and The Papas

If You Can Believe Your Eyes and Ears

It is 12:03 am, Monday....this was a day I used to like to see. What?!?! Yes, you read that correctly, I liked to see Mondays. It meant we would be up and on our way to our respective "jobs"...the kids would be at school and I would be at the bank. I know we missed being together but it was also good because we were able to spend time with our friends.

School in El Campo would start at 8:00 am but the kids liked to get to school at 7:30 am...yes, that's what I said, 7:30 am. They would spend this thirty minutes practicing their social skills and they did it very well. I can still see Cory hurrying to get into school...he liked to be waiting for all his other friends to get to school so they could talk and visit because when the bell rang, he was all business...Cheyenne was the same way. She might act like she didn't like school but I know she did. They both worked hard at school and when it came time for homework, I didn't have to tell them twice...actually, it would be done by the time I came home from work. They knew if homework wasn't done by the time Momma came home, no after school activities. We had our system and it worked...I would constantly stress about how things were going to get done...oh, how I wish I had that stress now...

I dread Mondays now. This is usually the day something happens or we get some type of bad news. I am really dreading it because Cory had a good weekend. Let me catch you up on some things...

This past Thursday, he had a CAT scan. He had been running a low grade fever--100.1 to 101.0--all last week and the doctors were wanting to find out the cause. On Friday, they found two different things, there was a shadow of something in his lower left lung at the bottom and they found some type of abscess under his colon by his intestines on his right side. It was decided they were going to do a bronch, a procedure where a tiny camera is inserted through Cory's breathing tube down into his lungs to see what is going on. They were going to flush 80 cc of saline solution into his lungs and then suck out as much as they could. This was going to be done Saturday morning. They were going to address the abscess after the first of the week.

Saturday morning, we were preparing for the bronch and his nurse told me they were going to check the abscess that day also. Hurry up and wait is the motto for any type of medical procedure and wait we did. These procedures did not get started until 2:00 pm...UGH!

The results of the bronch were great! The doctor came out and said his lungs were in wonderful shape, clean and pristine--her words--and now we will wait to find out the results from the lab. We are still getting some mucus out of his lungs but Cory is coughing really good now and the nurses provide support to help him get it out. They had been going in and suctioning him out every two or three hours but now they don't, they help Cory. He is also being weaned off the breathing machine...he is breathing up to four hours at a time on his own and he is doing this two times a day for now.

Now for the procedure for the abscess. The doctor said they would have to carefully access it. They would get some fluid out and if it was questionable, they would have to insert a tube to drain it. If the fluid was okay, they would leave it alone. It was a dangerous procedure for Cory because if it was full of infectious fluid and the abscess burst, he was in danger of going into septic shock and for Cory, that would be life-threatening. Normally, the body would fight off the infection and it could recover. Cory's body can't fight infection because he has no immune system. If the fluid would have gotten into his body, he could have died. Talk about reality hitting you between the eyes...that procedure was the lesser of two evils...

I waited and waited to hear from that doctor about the results. I finally said enough and went to find out. I arrived at Cory's room and they had just finished the procedure and the results were great as well! The abscess was fine, they only recovered about a teaspoon of fluid and didn't need to leave a drain tube in. Praise God!! Prayers answered!! We are waiting on the lab results for that as well.

Sunday was a good day as well...Cory slept all day and his vitals were in good shape. That is why I am so scared, worried and my stomach is in so many knots...it feels good to finally be off the roller coaster of emotions. I can't say enough about how small the baby steps are we are taking and how good they feel. At the first of last week, we wanted everything to happen so fast and we forgot we were only 14 days into our journey...

I was having a conversation one night with Jane, our nurse and we were talking about how as a society we have become so impatient. We want it now...we don't want to wait. We don't take the time to slow down and really feel or see or appreciate anything anymore and I am just as guilty as anyone. I was always thinking about what was next on the agenda that I really didn't see what was going on in front of me. I tried to get organized and tried to do better with time management--yes, in the past I didn't just fail, I failed miserably at both--but I was trying to do better. Being here has been very hard for two reasons; one, because my son is so very sick and two, because I am not in control of the situation. I do not like to rely on anyone for anything; I don't ask for help, I even turn it down when I really need to take it. I was an adult, a mother and to me, that means you need to be responsible for what you do and you need to take care of your children...end of story. I felt weak or like a failure when someone helped me and I was embarrassed. I am slowly adjusting to not being in control of Cory's recovery but let me tell you, any other place I can control, I am so there. :-)

I have a story to share about my faith in God....

The first weekend we were here, I sent a text to Dawn Korenek late one night and asked her to contact her husband's great aunt, Margaret Anderson. Margaret and I work together and she had shared a novena, a series of prayers, with me to pray if you are requesting something. I asked Dawn to get it for me. The next day, I received a booklet her mother-in-law, Carol Korenek, had sent for me. It was the Novena to St. Therese of the Child Jesus. It was the prayers Margaret had shared. I took that booklet and prayed that night but our worries and concerns were too large at the time and I didn't use it to pray for several days.

This past Wednesday, Jill Mach came for a visit and she brought me a small bag of stuff. There were a few bills--yuck--magazines and a letter with the name Mrs. Jennifer in a handwriting I didn't recognize. I opened the letter and began to read. It was from Jessica Dornak...inside was a booklet that contained the Novena to St. Therese of the Child Jesus. She shared a story about her family and praying to St. Therese. I looked up and said "OK, Lord, I hear what you are telling me." I put the booklet in my backpack to pray when I went to Cory's room but when the time came, I didn't say my prayers.

The next day, Thursday, my Mom came back to Houston with Ester Rodriguez. Ester is a great friend and she also is the woman who makes me feel pretty every six to eight weeks...she is our family stylist and when I say she is our family stylist, she does our whole family...my mom, my aunts, me, Chey and Cory. She came to Houston to take me to a night of conversation with Joyce Meyers at Lakewood Church, which on that day, I needed desperately. Joyce has a ministry but she doesn't preach over you, she gets right at your level and talks to you. For those of you who have not watched her or read any of her books, I highly recommend you do so. She will make you laugh out loud and she will make you think...it's just like talking to your best friend. Anyway, I was at McDonald's house getting dressed when they made it to Houston. At the house, only people that have had background checks are allowed upstairs, so Ester couldn't come up with Mom. She had given Mom a gift for Cory. It was a rosary she had picked up at the Vatican. This rosary was handmade entirely of red roses...

Now, let me take a minute here and explain something. For those of you not familiar with the story of St. Therese, it goes like this. When you pray the novena, before your prayers are answered, you will receive a rose in some form. I know you non-believers are thinking that is so bogus but I beg to disagree. Margaret and another co-worker, Jessica Baker have both said they have prayed the novena on several different occasions, then received a rose and their requests have been answered.

Now when Mom told me every bead on the rosary was entirely made of roses, I had to sit down. On a rosary, there are 60 beads about 1/4" in diameter. The rosary was in a plastic pouch inside a clear plastic box. I didn't even open the box and I could smell the roses just like I was in the garden. Ester and I left to go to Lakewood and we started talking about St. Therese. She added more to the story. She said she always buys several items when she goes on vacation to give as gifts. She was at work earlier in the week and remembered the items she brought back from the Vatican. She thought she had several things left but when she opened the drawer, all she had was that rosary and she could smell the roses. She thought this is for Cory. I told her the even crazier thing was roses are my all-time favorite flower and the particular smell of the rosary was my favorite as well. We were quiet for awhile and I said "OK Lord, I finally get the message, I will pray to St. Therese."

I pulled out that little book last night and said those prayers. I believe God is answering those prayers because of the positive results of Cory's procedures on Saturday and the good day he had on Sunday. I still worry something else will turn up but I don't feel the cold hand reaching through my chest anymore...I say "No, stop it, you will not take over me, go away!" I put my faith in God that He will walk us through whatever we are going through.

For those who want to pray with me, here is the Novena to St. Therese...

      O little Therese of the child Jesus, please pick for me a rose

       from the heavenly gardens and send it to me as a message

       of love.

      O Little Flower of Jesus, ask God today to grant the favors

       I now place with confidence in your hands.....

                     (insert here your prayer requests)

       St. Therese, help me to always believe as you did, in God's

       great love for me, so that I might imitate your "Little Way"

       each day. Amen.

Pray this prayer, plus five Our Father's, five Hail Mary's and five Glory Be's on five successive days.

Well, I will close this entry for the night....I will continue to have faith in God that we are where we are supposed to be, doing what we are meant to do. I still don't understand why but I have accepted that I am not supposed to understand why. All I know is my son will continue to recover from his brain surgery, the stroke and he will be cancer-free by the spring...I can feel it in my heart and soul....

Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers the past several weeks and please continue to pray for Cory...I am a witness to what your prayers are doing...your prayers are giving him life...

God Bless You All.....

Father and Son....

November 3, 2010

Father and son...you hear those words and immediately think best buddies for life. A circle of life that is very special and sacred...

As I start this post tonight, I am in Cory's room and his father is kneeling by his son's bed. I have been very selfish these past 15 days and have only thought of my hurt and my pain and forget that Cory has another parent suffering on this journey.

When Cory was little but not too little, he would come in every morning and tell his dad to get up, it was time to go to work. While Wesley would get dressed, I would help Cory get dressed. We would put on his Wrangler jeans, work shirt, work boots and a cap. He would have his bag of tractors and they would load up, wave by and take off for the farm.

Wesley would come home and tell me stories of what they had done and how much fun they would have. He was Wesley's little shadow and his mini-me. They would also be joined by Wesley's dad, Bug...please don't ask me why they called his dad that...I have asked but was not given an answer. His real name is Gail but I will always know him as Bug. Those three were always together, three generations of Morton men being outside...being together...passing on the things that men pass on. Every time I would see those three together, I felt such joy and I know they felt the same way.

I know Wesley and Bug are hurting...as a parent, you never want to see your child in pain and as a grandparent, it is even harder, you have to see your child and your grandchild in pain...I have seen these two strong men cry...crying over dreams that might be lost, crying because the pain is to much to bear, crying because of the unknown...but don't give up on our little man, Cory has that Morton strength, that Morton determination, that Morton hard-headedness...he will find a way to come back to us all...I have faith....

There will always be the circle of life where we pass on what we have learned to our children....Cory is passing on what he has learned in life to us, his family and his friends....to love with no boundaries, always have a sunny outlook and a smile, always be constantly on the move and to learn as much as you can about life and what is in it...take these lessons and embrace them and make them a part of your soul...

              The wolf will live with the lamb,

                 the leopard will lie down with the goat,

              the calf and the lion and the yearling together;

                 and a little child will lead them.

                                    ---Isaiah 11:6

Just another manic Monday...

November 1, 2010

Here I am again, sitting this time at Midnight in our new home, the PICU. We have had more news today about Cory that we were not expecting...I used to dislike Mondays, now I beginning to down right hate them.

I will not go into detail about what we were told...I don't know if it's because typing it on this entry will mean I have to acknowledge and accept it or by typing it, it means I have given up or just what it means. I will say it's more of could be or might be, let's run more tests to find out...I am at the point of not being surprised anymore by what they say only because we have had worse case scenario every damn time. I feel like I have been 15 rounds with Mohammad Ali....and the hits just keep on coming. What I will firmly acknowledge is this:

          I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven

          and Earth. I believe in Jesus Christ, his only son, our Lord.

          He was conceived by the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin

          Mary. He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died,

          and was buried. He descended into hell. On the third day

          he rose again. He ascended into Heaven and is seated at the

          right hand of the Father. He will come again to judge the living

          and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic

          Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins,

          the resurrection of the body and life everlasting. Amen.

          I believe in my son, his ambition, his love of life, his determination

          to do what he sets his mind to do. I believe in our love as mother

          and child, a bond that is deeper and stronger than anything on

          this earth, and one that cannot be broken by anything or anyone.

          I believe his work on Earth is not done, he has so much more

          to do and share. I will not give up on him and I will always believe

          he will return to me...all of us...because anything else would be

          unacceptable.

These are my beliefs...something I hold firm, that are deeply ingrained in my heart and soul. Sometimes they burn so strong that my chest will swell, I feel like I can hardly breath and I could burst. I know these things just like I know the sun will rise tomorrow and the sun will set...

Since we have been here, I have questioned why this happened to Cory. He is a sweet boy who never meets a stranger, always smiles and loves his Momma, Daddy, Sissy, Nana and the rest of his family. He has an amazing talent in artwork. He can look at a picture and copy it or draw one free handed. He loves to run and play outside with his friends or he will sit and watch TV in his Momma's room. I couldn't understand why, why, why Cory but I am beginning to see why....

Today was one of those days, I needed to get out of the waiting room and prowl, as my Mom calls it. We take short trips to Target or we walk downstairs. Today, I decided to walk to Ronald McDonald House where we have a room. Let me explain this route...it is at least three quarters to a full mile to the house. I have to go through three lights and several entrances. If you think driving is hazardous in Houston, walking isn't much better but I needed this, it was like a something was forcing me to go. I threw my backpack on and took off.  As I approached the house, all I could think of was Cory and I making this walk...together...soon. I was starting to get tired, because up to now, my exercise was getting up from my desk at the bank and walking to the printer that is maybe six feet away. Those last steps up to the house were for Cory, our strength working together to finish the job. I just kept talking to him, telling him this is our walk, our victory....if anyone heard me, I know they thought I had gone over the edge but I didn't care.

My walk back was different...I prayed my rosary. I would look up at the hospital as I walked saying my prayers up to God and thinking about my boy fighting to return to his family. The closer I made it to the hospital, the more urgent my prayers became...I begged God to please return Cory to us and give him back his gifts God gave him at birth so he can continue to spread his love and joy for life, to be a testimony of God's love and to strengthen our faith in God. As I was saying these prayers, I felt a strong wind and a total peaceful feeling surround me. It hit me that we were put here in this place for a very special reason, a place filled with children and filled with artwork everywhere. You can't go anywhere in this hospital and not find some type of handmade artwork or children's spirit...a perfect place for Cory.

The story of Cory's determination is spreading around here. We have had people come up from ER to check on Cory and his nurse told me last night she knew everything about Cory before she walked up to his room and read over his chart and a lot of nurses on the floor were praying for this little boy. He is still spreading his gifts...

I received a message from someone, my apologies to whoever sent it, telling me that Cory is in a state of suspension. He and God are making a plan and deciding how to execute it. I firmly believe that...I have a very strong feeling that something is going to happen, something that will surprise us all. I have the faith that God is working here...He is teaching us to appreciate each other, to find our faith and nurture it until it is strong and unwavering....this feeling is as strong and unwavering as my faith in God and in my faith in Cory.

As I close this post, it is now 1:30am, it is quiet in the PICU waiting room and the rain has started hitting the windows from the cool front coming in...I have someone else up with me tonight, tapping on his laptop keyboard...another parent not able to sleep, trying to find something to do while we sit waiting on our children and God...they are taking their time to make the perfect plan to show the world about God's love....

Still Waiting....

October 30, 2010

He is teaching us patience, all of us....

Well, here I sit....again at 3:00 am on Saturday morning. My apologizes again for the time span in between the entries. There is little change in Cory but I needed to update you on what has been happening.

The doctors have stopped his sedation and all pain meds. Cory is slowly, slowly waking up. We have removed all catheters and now we have two IV's and a PIC line. A PIC line is like a catheter but it is inserted into the arm around the elbow. It runs up the arm around his shoulder and into the chest. They inserted this type of entry because it was easier access than the catheter in his groin. He had to be sedated for this procedure so that set us back several hours on his waking up. But always keep in mind this is Cory and he is leading the show. You will think one thing but he shows you another. We are still playing the waiting game but like I said, he is making small, small baby steps to some improvement. I am very guarded now on the enthusiasm I feel about these steps he is making. Don't get me wrong, I very extremely overjoyed and would like to do cartwheels and yell from the highest rooftop but I am just too scared. Throughout this journey, Cory has made improvements only to have a setback. It was devastating to hear these reports from the doctors...it was literally a cold hand of fear reaching into my chest and squeezing my heart and it felt like I could not breath.You sit there and your world starts to spin and you just want to get off but where do you go? It happened twice these past ten days and if it happened again, I don't know if I could bear it. I just keep the faith that all of our prayers are being heard by the Lord above and He will give us what we have been asking for...

Butterflies....

Thank you all for sending the butterfly cards! The morning after I posted about Jennifer's comment on my blog, we received a huge stack of butterfly cards! It felt so good to see all the butterflies come in. When I was looking around Cory's room to see where I could put them, I really stopped and looked for the first time at the cards he has already received. Out of roughly 25 cards we had received, 20 were butterflies....God had been here all along bringing prayers to Cory for his healing...what a wonderful feeling! Thank you again for taking time out of your day to send my little boy these cards of faith....

Overwhelmed....

I want to thank everyone who has sent texts, messages, emails, Facebook messages or called or sent gifts to us. It is very overwhelming and humbling to receive all the prayers, love and tremendous support you are sending us from El Campo. I want to apologize for not returning your messages or calls but I want to let you know I appreciate you taking time out of your lives to think about us and saying a prayer for Cory. Sometimes it takes a crisis to realize just how lucky and blessed we are to live in a small town.

I also want to thank you to all the people who see or has seen Cory on a daily basis...his teachers, aides, secretaries and principals at First Presbyterian, Myatt, Hutchins and St. Philip CCE Class. I received an email from a friend, Sheryl Thonsgaard, the other day and she reminded me there are others going through the same pain we are going through as well. In our fast pace lives, I forget about all the people Cory comes in contact with during his day and how he spreads his love and joy there as well. Thank you for loving my sweet boy...your pain is my pain as well. I am fighting so hard to heal him and bring him home to you as well...don't give up on him, he is a fighter and I know in my heart, he will be healed and returned to us so he can continue to share his gifts God gave him at birth...he will be a testimony to God's love...I feel that in my heart and soul.

I would like to ask one thing...please include all the children here at Texas Children's Hospital in your prayers. There are children here that are sicker than our Cory and I know if all of our pray warriors pray for these children, more miracles will be seen here...

So I will close this entry tonight and yes, it is now 4:30 in the morning....it is quiet and peaceful now...with the only sound heard is my tapping of the keys on my laptop, the snores of tired parents and the occasional whap-whap-whap of a helicopter bringing another child here for a miracle...

Waiting on Cory...

Today, October 27, 2010, my son Cory is a week old. I almost lost him last week but God gave me the pleasure of watching him be born again....Happy One Week Birthday my darling boy....

I really don't have any solid new information about Cory. We have lots of could be, possibly this or possibly that...the only thing that is solid is we are waiting on Cory to tell us what he has to say. I know what I want him to say...."Hey Mommy..." that would be the sweetest sound. I told Cheyenne today, I would even love to hear the two of them fighting like crazy....and Chey said she would love to fight with him too.

It was hard today...I stumbled in my faith of God and of Cory. I was letting all the bad thoughts in and just couldn't keep the sadness out. We left the hospital this evening to go to McDonald's house to shower and change. I stay at the hospital at night now. I guess coincidence or not, every time I leave, Cory always takes a turn and I can't handle anymore bad news. I so desperately want to hear something good we can celebrate.

I was talking to a good friend, Jennifer, and I was telling her my fears and my joys. I told her Cory has been through so much this past week, he has had a brain bleed, low clotting function, 330K white cancer cells, blood pressure issues, brain pressure issues and now the stroke. It seems like he is continually getting hit with something else as soon as he is over one. Jennifer reassured me that Cory is strong and determined and he will be okay.

We ended our conversation and I proceeded to get in the shower. While washing my face, I heard this voice saying " He is strong but you have to be stronger...the devil is trying to get to you by making you have doubts about what God can do....the devil is also after your son....he is pure of heart and his mission on Earth is not done. Renew your faith in God that He will return Cory...you just have to go and fight."

Now, you can believe what you want but this is what I believe....that from birth, Cory has just been a different child, he has an old soul...when he was born, he was the spitting image of his great-grandfather, Jessie Gail Morton. Big Pawpaw, as Chey called him, was the most caring person I know. He had a love for his wife, Lena and his family. He loved a good joke or gag and was a hard worker. Some of the last memories I have of him was bearly being able to walk but he climbed the ladder on a combine and cut some rice. Cory was the same...Codi Klatt came to our house a few weeks back with her mom, Amy. Amy and I were doing some craft stuff and Cory just looked after Codi. Codi would get into stuff as most one year olds do and there was Cory, making sure she didn't hurt herself. Everything she touched that was unsafe, Cory would put it in our closet. No one asked Cory to watch over her, he just did. I don't know too many 8 year old boys who would do that....

After I heard the voice, I closed my eyes and with my heart, I apologized to God and Cory for being so weak and not having faith in them. I have tried to keep my faith that Cory would heal from this disease and its effects. This afternoon, I stumbled and lost faith. I told God I would fight for my son and whatever happened, I would always be there for Cory, he wasn't going to lose me! I said devil, it's on! You have tried to take my son six separate times and he has fought you off, now, you are going to deal with me...I felt determination that I can't explain. I picked up my prayer book Father Gary gave me and we came back to the hospital.

We were in a race, a race with darkness closing in to take my son. I had to be with Cory. I went into his room, held his hand and leaned over real close. I told my son I'm sorry I lost faith in him. I know he is meant for something more, God has plans for him and said prayers over his body. I have been hearing about what Cory is doing. He is getting people to stop and look at their lives, making choices about what is important and what's not. I am looking at my own life. I have had some outside issues I have had to deal with this week. Issues that are beyond my control but they still get under my skin. I finally said today I am giving them the power and they don't deserve it.

I went to the chapel tonight and said a prayer for Cory and put a prayer card on the tree. I asked God for a sign that everything would be alright. At the time, I didn't know he had sent one already. I was looking at the comments and found the following post:

Jennifer,

This morning I came to work and read your new posts about Cory. When I was done I stepped out behind our office with all of you on my mind, as I was saying a prayer I looked up and a huge butterfly flew right in front of me, it flitted around me and flew away. I have never seen a butterfly like that before, and never at my office in the middle of town. I think that butterfly was coming to "pickup" my prayer, and was going to stop at all of the other people in El Campo to pickup theirs, and deliver them to Cory. I think God sends us reminders, reminders that he is everwhere and in everything. He is working through the doctors to heal your precious Cory. My prayer for you today is, God didn’t promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and a light for the way. God bless you Jenn.

YSIC,

Jennifer Davlin

I started to cry when I was reading this post. Cheyenne asked if I was okay and I told her to read the post. She did and said that is so cool. I told her God is here...He came with the card that was delivered today. The hospital has a place on their website which gives the opportunity to create a greeting card for a patient. When we were first here, Cory received lots of them but he hadn't received anymore since the weekend. Today when we walked back in from lunch, there was a card waiting for us....a butterfly....I think God knew I was losing faith and picked up those prayers for us. Thank you Jennifer for sharing your story and restoring my faith in God....God is everywhere, it's only if you want to see Him.

Hug your families tonight...keep them close because you never know when it will all change...

Waiting....

October 25, 2010

Here I sit again at 1:00 am in the waiting room of the hospital. We have had an awful day. The doctors ordered a cat scan to be done this morning. At lunch, we received the report that Cory had a stroke on Tuesday and the damage is showing itself today.

We always knew that damage to Cory's brain was possible, you just can't have the trama Cory has gone through and not have some effects. Dr. Stevens can't tell us what he will be like when he is no longer sedated. She had a devistated look on her face. I think she realized the other day when we showed her and Dr. Thompson pictures of Cory just what they were working to return to us. They saw the silly, fun loving boy but they also have learned what the pictures don't show...a child who is very determined, smart, extremely headstrong and definitely wants to do things his way. I have told them through this journey that what you see with Cory as a patient is what you get with Cory as a child.

Dr. Stevens, Dr. Thompson and Dr. Whitehead made the decision today to slowly lift the sedation on Cory....now we wait and watch. It is so hard to go into that room and see Cory this way and think what is going on with him. I talk to him, touch him, tickle him and just lay my hands on him. I see him respond with a rise in heartbeat and breathing and his blood pressure get a little high. I as a mother who believes in the power of prayer and love, you can't tell me that Cory won't come back to us. He will...God has a plan for Cory, he isn't through telling this story and he has lots more to accomplish in his life.

When Hurricane Rita was making a beeline for Hwy 71 several summers ago, Wesley and I were making plans to board the house, pack the kids and move to safety. I had always been a person who obsessed about a hurricane coming and we should leave now!! When we were finished boarding the house, Wes and I sat outside in the dark talking about what we should do, I told him I think we needed to stay. I said you know me, I always want to leave but something is telling me that we should stay because we will be alright. I just had this strong force in my stomach telling me not to go. Wesley said what about the kids, we have got to go and I said you know I won't put them in danger but I think we should stay. Wesley said we would stay that night and in the morning, we would watch the news and then decide. I agreed. The next morning we woke up to find Rita had turned and then we watched the traffic jam across Coastal Texas.

My point to that story is I have that same force. I believe our God has more plans for Cory. I told Cheyenne this afternoon that God put us through this because Cory is supposed to teach his doctors how to deal with brain issues and AML. I have documented everything going on so when Cory is older and can understand more, I will explain to him what happened and I will let him read my blog. I believe Cory will have the detemination to become a doctor and possibly be the key to cure Leukemia. I do believe!

I am also realistic. I know now we will have issues from all of this. I had hoped we would recover and he would be like he was. I don't underestimate my son's will to live and I don't underestimate my son's desire to return to me. I have seen how he moves when he is being poked and pinched, he gets upset! I try to explain to him what is going on so he is not scared and will understand. I view Cory like he is locked in a box with no way to communicate with the outside world, only hearing what it says. I tell him everything will be alright, he is very sick and I will not leave this hospital without him by my side. I will no longer stay the night at McDonald's until Cory is out of ICU. He knows we leave even when we don't tell him...I firmly believe that because everytime we had problems, I was at McDonald's house. Coincidence maybe but twice, I don't think so, he knows!

I checked on him a few minutes ago. He was laying on his bed with his cross from his godmother, LaShelle, hanging directly over his wounds and his prayer blanket from St. Philip's across his feet. He has his bible verse that was picked out by our ACTS Teens which was turned into a wall hanging by one of Cory's good friends, Amy Beery Klatt. I remember Father Gary coming the other day and watching him pray over Cory. We both held one of Cory's hands and said the Lord's Prayer, a Hail Mary and a Glory Be to the Father. I closed my eyes and felt the power of pray coming from Father Gary when he held his hands over his wounds and said quiet prayers. My chest swelled with faith and I believed my son would be healed and returned to us.

I want to take the time again to thank you all for the prayers, words of encouragement, texts, cards and everything else you have done for our family. The doctors are the support system of Cory, helping him return to us. You back home are the support system for us. We have been on a roller coaster ride for the past 120 hours. It doesn't seem like we have been here that long but it also feels like it is longer.

I want to close tonight with a bible verse read to Cory by another one of his good friend Ester Rodriguez at his bedside this afternoon. It is Jeremiah 29: 11-14

"For I know the plans I have for

you," says the Lord. "They are plans for

good and not for disaster, to give you a

future and a hope. In those days when

you pray, I will listen. If you look for me

in earnest, you will find me when you

seek me. I will be found by you," says

the Lord, "I will end your captivity and

restore you fortunes. I will gather you out

of the nations where I sent you and bring

you home again to your own land."

Cautiously Optimistic.....

This post was actually supposed to be before the changes post....bear with me please....

October 24, 2010

We started the day with a visit from Dr. Stevens. She said we have a good report. Cory’s levels of plasma were looking good. His pressures were good and all his responses were normal. We like these short reports. She said we would get together at noon for our next consult.

We then were surprised by a visit from Jennifer Kollja and Jill Mach and they came bearing gifts. Jennifer’s little boy Colton, had made Cory a Halloween basket because Cory would not be able to go trick or treating while still in the hospital. He put some scary monsters, candy and a book. Jennifer said he put it in there because his mommy could read to him. He said just because he is asleep, he could still hear her voice and he is right. Jill and Holden, her son, picked out things to decorate Cory’s room for Halloween and Holden sent a little pumpkin, that’s because a big one wouldn’t fit. They also brought Casa!! and some tea from Mikeska’s…mmmmm, both were so good for breakfast. I am so blessed to have friends like them. After breakfast, Mom, Jill and Jennifer, forced me to leave the hospital and go for a walk around the block. I did not want to leave the 3^rd floor. I knew Cory would be in good hands but I didn’t want to go. I ended up going for the walk because I figured three against one, I would sooo lose. I have to admit, it did feel good to get outside and not think about the issues we are dealing with. It felt good to have a conversation that didn’t involve pressures or white cells or chemo. At one point, I did allow myself to think about tomorrow for a brief time but I pulled myself back to the present.

We returned upstairs and just hung around the waiting room. We had different people visit throughout the day and there was no changes. At our noon consult, the doctors said all his numbers looked good and we were still shooting for a Wednesday or Thursday timeframe for bring Cory out of sedation. They just want to give him more time for his body to heal and regain strength. Dr. Thompson said if we have a good 24 hours, we will have rounded the corner. We were hopeful but after the last scare, we didn't celebrate that much.

I was again "kidnapped" and taken out of the hospital. It was decided I am not eating enough and I was going to be taken to eat more than just an 8-pack from Chik-fil-a. I thought we were going a few blocks away but as we continued to drive, we went further. I started to have a panic attack...why are you continuing to drive....I can't go this far....what if he needs me? I almost crawled out of the door in the middle of traffic. I just wanted to get back to my baby!! We went inside to eat and a few minutes later, I received a text from Wesley saying he was at the hospital. Only then was I able to relax. I did eat something and felt a little better. We made it back to the hospital and there wasn't any changes. We had more afternoon visitors. We waited for the evening consult with the doctors but they didn't make it. We decided to go back to McDonald's house for showers and a good night's sleep. We were cautiously optimistic that things were getting better and again, we should have known better.....