October 25, 2010
Here I sit again at 1:00 am in the waiting room of the hospital. We have had an awful day. The doctors ordered a cat scan to be done this morning. At lunch, we received the report that Cory had a stroke on Tuesday and the damage is showing itself today.
We always knew that damage to Cory's brain was possible, you just can't have the trama Cory has gone through and not have some effects. Dr. Stevens can't tell us what he will be like when he is no longer sedated. She had a devistated look on her face. I think she realized the other day when we showed her and Dr. Thompson pictures of Cory just what they were working to return to us. They saw the silly, fun loving boy but they also have learned what the pictures don't show...a child who is very determined, smart, extremely headstrong and definitely wants to do things his way. I have told them through this journey that what you see with Cory as a patient is what you get with Cory as a child.
Dr. Stevens, Dr. Thompson and Dr. Whitehead made the decision today to slowly lift the sedation on Cory....now we wait and watch. It is so hard to go into that room and see Cory this way and think what is going on with him. I talk to him, touch him, tickle him and just lay my hands on him. I see him respond with a rise in heartbeat and breathing and his blood pressure get a little high. I as a mother who believes in the power of prayer and love, you can't tell me that Cory won't come back to us. He will...God has a plan for Cory, he isn't through telling this story and he has lots more to accomplish in his life.
When Hurricane Rita was making a beeline for Hwy 71 several summers ago, Wesley and I were making plans to board the house, pack the kids and move to safety. I had always been a person who obsessed about a hurricane coming and we should leave now!! When we were finished boarding the house, Wes and I sat outside in the dark talking about what we should do, I told him I think we needed to stay. I said you know me, I always want to leave but something is telling me that we should stay because we will be alright. I just had this strong force in my stomach telling me not to go. Wesley said what about the kids, we have got to go and I said you know I won't put them in danger but I think we should stay. Wesley said we would stay that night and in the morning, we would watch the news and then decide. I agreed. The next morning we woke up to find Rita had turned and then we watched the traffic jam across Coastal Texas.
My point to that story is I have that same force. I believe our God has more plans for Cory. I told Cheyenne this afternoon that God put us through this because Cory is supposed to teach his doctors how to deal with brain issues and AML. I have documented everything going on so when Cory is older and can understand more, I will explain to him what happened and I will let him read my blog. I believe Cory will have the detemination to become a doctor and possibly be the key to cure Leukemia. I do believe!
I am also realistic. I know now we will have issues from all of this. I had hoped we would recover and he would be like he was. I don't underestimate my son's will to live and I don't underestimate my son's desire to return to me. I have seen how he moves when he is being poked and pinched, he gets upset! I try to explain to him what is going on so he is not scared and will understand. I view Cory like he is locked in a box with no way to communicate with the outside world, only hearing what it says. I tell him everything will be alright, he is very sick and I will not leave this hospital without him by my side. I will no longer stay the night at McDonald's until Cory is out of ICU. He knows we leave even when we don't tell him...I firmly believe that because everytime we had problems, I was at McDonald's house. Coincidence maybe but twice, I don't think so, he knows!
I checked on him a few minutes ago. He was laying on his bed with his cross from his godmother, LaShelle, hanging directly over his wounds and his prayer blanket from St. Philip's across his feet. He has his bible verse that was picked out by our ACTS Teens which was turned into a wall hanging by one of Cory's good friends, Amy Beery Klatt. I remember Father Gary coming the other day and watching him pray over Cory. We both held one of Cory's hands and said the Lord's Prayer, a Hail Mary and a Glory Be to the Father. I closed my eyes and felt the power of pray coming from Father Gary when he held his hands over his wounds and said quiet prayers. My chest swelled with faith and I believed my son would be healed and returned to us.
I want to take the time again to thank you all for the prayers, words of encouragement, texts, cards and everything else you have done for our family. The doctors are the support system of Cory, helping him return to us. You back home are the support system for us. We have been on a roller coaster ride for the past 120 hours. It doesn't seem like we have been here that long but it also feels like it is longer.
I want to close tonight with a bible verse read to Cory by another one of his good friend Ester Rodriguez at his bedside this afternoon. It is Jeremiah 29: 11-14
"For I know the plans I have for
you," says the Lord. "They are plans for
good and not for disaster, to give you a
future and a hope. In those days when
you pray, I will listen. If you look for me
in earnest, you will find me when you
seek me. I will be found by you," says
the Lord, "I will end your captivity and
restore you fortunes. I will gather you out
of the nations where I sent you and bring
you home again to your own land."