Today, October 27, 2010, my son Cory is a week old. I almost lost him last week but God gave me the pleasure of watching him be born again....Happy One Week Birthday my darling boy....
I really don't have any solid new information about Cory. We have lots of could be, possibly this or possibly that...the only thing that is solid is we are waiting on Cory to tell us what he has to say. I know what I want him to say...."Hey Mommy..." that would be the sweetest sound. I told Cheyenne today, I would even love to hear the two of them fighting like crazy....and Chey said she would love to fight with him too.
It was hard today...I stumbled in my faith of God and of Cory. I was letting all the bad thoughts in and just couldn't keep the sadness out. We left the hospital this evening to go to McDonald's house to shower and change. I stay at the hospital at night now. I guess coincidence or not, every time I leave, Cory always takes a turn and I can't handle anymore bad news. I so desperately want to hear something good we can celebrate.
I was talking to a good friend, Jennifer, and I was telling her my fears and my joys. I told her Cory has been through so much this past week, he has had a brain bleed, low clotting function, 330K white cancer cells, blood pressure issues, brain pressure issues and now the stroke. It seems like he is continually getting hit with something else as soon as he is over one. Jennifer reassured me that Cory is strong and determined and he will be okay.
We ended our conversation and I proceeded to get in the shower. While washing my face, I heard this voice saying " He is strong but you have to be stronger...the devil is trying to get to you by making you have doubts about what God can do....the devil is also after your son....he is pure of heart and his mission on Earth is not done. Renew your faith in God that He will return Cory...you just have to go and fight."
Now, you can believe what you want but this is what I believe....that from birth, Cory has just been a different child, he has an old soul...when he was born, he was the spitting image of his great-grandfather, Jessie Gail Morton. Big Pawpaw, as Chey called him, was the most caring person I know. He had a love for his wife, Lena and his family. He loved a good joke or gag and was a hard worker. Some of the last memories I have of him was bearly being able to walk but he climbed the ladder on a combine and cut some rice. Cory was the same...Codi Klatt came to our house a few weeks back with her mom, Amy. Amy and I were doing some craft stuff and Cory just looked after Codi. Codi would get into stuff as most one year olds do and there was Cory, making sure she didn't hurt herself. Everything she touched that was unsafe, Cory would put it in our closet. No one asked Cory to watch over her, he just did. I don't know too many 8 year old boys who would do that....
After I heard the voice, I closed my eyes and with my heart, I apologized to God and Cory for being so weak and not having faith in them. I have tried to keep my faith that Cory would heal from this disease and its effects. This afternoon, I stumbled and lost faith. I told God I would fight for my son and whatever happened, I would always be there for Cory, he wasn't going to lose me! I said devil, it's on! You have tried to take my son six separate times and he has fought you off, now, you are going to deal with me...I felt determination that I can't explain. I picked up my prayer book Father Gary gave me and we came back to the hospital.
We were in a race, a race with darkness closing in to take my son. I had to be with Cory. I went into his room, held his hand and leaned over real close. I told my son I'm sorry I lost faith in him. I know he is meant for something more, God has plans for him and said prayers over his body. I have been hearing about what Cory is doing. He is getting people to stop and look at their lives, making choices about what is important and what's not. I am looking at my own life. I have had some outside issues I have had to deal with this week. Issues that are beyond my control but they still get under my skin. I finally said today I am giving them the power and they don't deserve it.
I went to the chapel tonight and said a prayer for Cory and put a prayer card on the tree. I asked God for a sign that everything would be alright. At the time, I didn't know he had sent one already. I was looking at the comments and found the following post:
Jennifer,
This morning I came to work and read your new posts about Cory. When I was done I stepped out behind our office with all of you on my mind, as I was saying a prayer I looked up and a huge butterfly flew right in front of me, it flitted around me and flew away. I have never seen a butterfly like that before, and never at my office in the middle of town. I think that butterfly was coming to "pickup" my prayer, and was going to stop at all of the other people in El Campo to pickup theirs, and deliver them to Cory. I think God sends us reminders, reminders that he is everwhere and in everything. He is working through the doctors to heal your precious Cory. My prayer for you today is, God didn’t promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and a light for the way. God bless you Jenn.
YSIC,
Jennifer Davlin
I started to cry when I was reading this post. Cheyenne asked if I was okay and I told her to read the post. She did and said that is so cool. I told her God is here...He came with the card that was delivered today. The hospital has a place on their website which gives the opportunity to create a greeting card for a patient. When we were first here, Cory received lots of them but he hadn't received anymore since the weekend. Today when we walked back in from lunch, there was a card waiting for us....a butterfly....I think God knew I was losing faith and picked up those prayers for us. Thank you Jennifer for sharing your story and restoring my faith in God....God is everywhere, it's only if you want to see Him.
Hug your families tonight...keep them close because you never know when it will all change...