October 24, 2010
On this post, I want to explain what it’s like to walk into the Pediatric ICU and down to Cory’s room….
When you go to visit Cory, you have to go past a number of points in the journey. From the waiting room, there is a door into another world. There is a small room that has several doors to places I don’t ever see. On the wall to the left is a large picture, 6 ft wide and 5 ft tall of chalk drawing of babies in various stages. On the other wall, is a metal shelving unit that holds plastic covered pillows for us to use at night. You walk through this area through another door to a washroom. It has more pictures in black and white of kids playing in the water, on trees, in the park…just being kids and enjoying life. There are two sinks on the left with a large linen closet next to it. This holds pillowcases, sheets and blankets for us to use when we sleep in the waiting room at night. On the right side, there are four sinks. I have to share this story. The first time we went to see Cory, it was my mom, Cheyenne, Wesley and myself. My mom went to the double sink and we went to other ones. Mom started washing her hands and we just looked at the faucets and couldn’t figure out how in the heck do these things work. They weren’t motion operated, no faucets, what the heck. Just so happened we looked down and saw pedals on the floor. The light clicked at the same time, that’s how they work. Boy, did we feel stupid but we laughed and it felt good at the time. It is very important to wash your hands and there are gel dispensers all over the hospital. They stress wash up and do not spread germs. When you are finished, you have to be buzzed into the unit. Oh, and you have to wear a pink pass before you can enter as well.
Once you enter the unit, it is a maze of halls as you walk, you pass Pod 1 that contain 10 beds, keep walking to Pod 2 that contains 10 beds. To the left is Pod 3 with 10 beds and that is where Cory is--Room 25 at the end of the hallway. Off our hallway is Pod 4 and it has 10 beds. During the days, these hallways are busy with dozens of nurses and doctors working on saving a child. At night, it is quiet and that is my favorite time to visit.
Some days that walk is so hard to make. You want to hurry up and get there but are terrified on what you will find. I make that walk getting my mind, heart and soul prepared. I look at the faces of his nurses and count the number of people standing outside of his door. I cautiously look in his window and let out a sigh of relief when I don’t see anyone in his room. My heart does skip a beat when I see a nurse or some other medical staff in there I haven’t seen before.
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| Cory is in the center with his head leaning to the side. |
I then look at Cory and I am always taken back. I am posting a picture of what our baby boy looked like before he became so sick. His wonderful teacher, Stacy Ermis had taken some pictures in class on October 12. He looks so different now. They had to shave to right side of his head when they had to do the surgery. He has an incision starting in the front of his ear up and over moving to the back of his head and then turning up and coming to the front of his head stopping right at his hairline on his forehead. It is described as a backward question mark. Because of the surgery, he is swollen and today, Sunday, he is starting to bruise. He has two black eyes and it looks like he is bruising down the sides of his face. He has the breathing tube and another small tube in his mouth and kept in place with tape. At any given time, he has at least three IV lines and he has four monitor pads. Two at the top of his chest close to his shoulder area and two lower on his belly. He still has the two catheters in each groin. On his legs, he has two different things. He has the inflation wraps to prevent clots in his legs—I don’t remember the technical name. It inflates and deflates and it stimulates the circulation process. He also has a pair of boots. They look like ski boots…these are used to keep his feet in a normal position. Kathy, one of his nurses said when you lay down, your feet fall flat and if they stay in that position for a period of time, there could be some damage. These boots keep your feet in a position like you are standing.
Cory has three machines he is hooked up to…
1. The monitor for his heart rate, oxygen level, blood pressure and one other thing I can’t remember
2. The monitor for his breathing tube. I learned today what the different colors are for on this machine. As it works, there are green and red circles. Meagan said when we see a red circle, Cory is breathing. When we see a green circle, the machine is working. It was very reassuring to see lots of red ones.
3. The monitors – 5 machines – for all the medicines he is receiving.
I can’t even count the number of tubes and lines running everywhere.
I always tell the nurses hello and talk to them…I want to know who is taking care of my Cory. I want to establish an open line of communication with them. I tell them what type of boy he is, his personality, his likes and dislikes, I tell them how he sleeps and how he loves. All they see is a very, very sick little boy and I want them to know who this little boy is. I tell them how he is throwing curve ball at them now, keeping them guessing, always on their toes is exactly the little boy he is when he is well. I warn them he is a flirt and he will have them wrapped around his finger when he is awake. I tell them the about the bond he has with his sister which runs very deep and strong—they may fight with such intensity but they love just the same. I describe their bond as twin-like but they are eight years apart. I tell them it is important to stress to her Cory will heal and be cured, it will just take time.
The nurses along with the doctors are working to save my Cory but I know they are not the ones that make the ultimate decision. They, along with all who are praying for Cory, are only the support team….we give Cory every opportunity he has to live and thrive! The ones who are in control of this journey are Cory and God. They are walking hand in hand down the long path to healing and returning to us….Father Gary came today and prayed over Cory and anointed him with oil. While he prayed, I held Cory’s hand. As the prayers were being said, I felt a powerful energy come over us. It was strong yet very gentle….I watched Father Gary hold his hands over Cory’s head wound and immediately felt the healing begin. It was a wonderful thing to experience….I thought I was witness to the rebirth of my son.
I will be honest, I am still unbelievably scared that we could lose Cory to this disease but I stop those fears and put my faith in God. He has carried us through so much in our lives. I just know Cory is not through, God needs him to teach us more….
I was having a weak moment earlier tonight…releasing some of the tears I have held for so many days, thinking how our life has changed and trying to accept our new reality when I heard in my mind for the first time in days….I love you Momma. I heard my baby boy’s voice just as clear as if he were beside me wrapped in my arms. I told him I love you too baby and don’t leave me cause I’m not leaving you….I am not leaving you…..