Starting Over

Yes, I am back at the keyboard. I have had several people over the past few months ask if I keep up with this blog and I told them I didn't. The last month Cory was in the hospital, so much happened that we were bearly able to catch our breath much less type a post every few days. We are coming up on the two year anniversary of our final discharge from Texas Children's so I thought I would finally sit down and write up a post or two or several!

In the future, I will try and post everything that happened that last month we were there and then give updates on what has been going on with Cory since discharge. I will also include updates on what has been going on with us as a family. Some days I look back and wonder how we made it through the darkness and then I think about how you, Dear Reader, helped us through it. Some of you I know and some of you I don't but we always felt your love and support you sent us. And I want you to know, I will always be forever grateful for everything you did for our family.

I have to admit I have been very lax in passing forward the Acts of Kindness you gave our family. Over the next posts, hopefully you will understand why this happened. But with the Lord Almightly as my witness, that ends today. I was on Facebook earlier this afternoon and went to the page "Bringing Home the Browns." This is a story about how a woman in her 34th week of pregnancy fell into a coma and her son had to be delivered by c-section. Her husband was over in Afganistan and was rushed home to be with his son and wife. She is now in a long term acute care facility in Shreveport, Louisiana and is making very small steps to coming out of her coma. On the update today, Mr. Brown talked about how she is making progress and there was a post from a woman who had a son with a tramatic brain injury. Her son was 13 years old when he was a passenger in a wreck. I went to her Caring Bridge page and started reading about him. It was like I was relieving our hospital stay all over again but her journey did not take the roads ours did. I thought about a time while we were in PICU when the PICU students were making their rounds with their professor/PICU doctor and they were discussing Cory. He said it didn't matter what the cause of a brain injury was whether it was acquired like Cory's or tramatic like the 13 year old, they are both treated the same. The past few months I have been so selfish and upset again about Cory's brain injury. The same why did this happen to Cory, what is going to happen to him later in life, will he ever totally recover what he lost? Those questions, Dear Reader, are always there, they never go away. I think I spent over an hour reading all the posts that Momma made about her son, each one more heartbreaking than the other.

There was a post she wrote on November 18th and that one hit so close to home. In it, she talked about her faith and how she felt the devil was doing everything in his power to make her doubt God's goodness. Lord knows we all have those thoughts, some days I wonder if I am the only one on the devil's list for the day. This Mom included several verses in her post but this one stood out the most...

   “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for.  Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you."     ---    Matthew 7:7

This is probably the third time this weekend I have seen this verse. The Good Lord has been working on me over the past couple of years about faith and patience...well, I'm older, stuck in my ways, hard-headed, a slow learner on these things and I finally get it. I have drifted away from my Faith a little bit, not the praying part but the other things that a Mom of a God given miracle should not have drifted away from. She also posted this verse....

“Jesus returned to the sea of Galilee and climbed a hill and sat down. A vast crowd brought to him people who were lame, blind, crippled, those who couldn’t speak, and many others.  They laid them before Jesus, and he healed them all.  The crowd was amazed! Those who hadn’t been able to speak were talking, the crippled were made well, the lame were walking, and the blind could see again! And they praised the God of Israel.”     ---    Matthew 15:29-31

Then she posted something else, it wasn't a particular verse but was led to a particular chapter, Ezra 5. Her Bible explanation for this chapter is, “God appoints prophetic voices to help us with our work.  Their ministry should have the same effect upon us as Haggai’s and Zechariah’s had on Israel.  One who prophesies strengthens others, encourages them, and comforts them.  In turn, we should encourage those who bring God’s words to us.” 

Now by no means do I think I am a good Christian, very far from it, in fact. I ask for God's forgiveness on a daily basis. I have said several times that Cory was saved for a reason and I always thought that reason would show itself several years into the future when Cory was older. Now I think there is more to that...I still think both Cheyenne and Cory are going to do great things later in life but I wondered what will I do? Kinda like what is my purpose here? What would my "ministry" be? Those thoughts lead me to thinking about how I didn't "Pass it forward" after we came home from the hospital. We became so wrapped up in the process of healing both physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually that we let the kindness fall to the side...but that stops now. I have been tossing around a few ideas but have not made any decisions as to what I would like to do. Some are just small in size and some are very overwhelming just thinking about them, like David and Galieth size. I hope, Dear Reader, you would join me in Random Acts of Kindness. I know our budgets are tight, some have tighter budgets, but it doesn't have to be much. Maybe a note to a co-worker, a kiss and a hug to your spouse/significant other/child thanking them for just being in your life or anything. All I know is that I will do something that will share the testimony of Cory's life and the effect that it had on our family.

With that, I will end for the night. I guess this proves that God is working through me again...if you remember, all of my posts were written late into the night and this one turned out the same way.

With love,

Jenn

Changes they are a-coming......

June 1....signals the end of school, beginning of summer and with that, lots of change.

June 1...Chey graduates from high school. Ugh, that makes me feel "old." Yes, I know I am NOT old but tell that to my body especially after I have been in my yard or going through the junk (past) in my garage. I will have a high school graduate college freshman. Cheyenne will be going to school at the wonderful Wharton County Junior College for the next two years but it will be different. She will not be going with us to school in the mornings and that will be hard.

June 1...Cory will be a 4th grader. Wow...a 4th grader. Little man has been through so much. Having to be in the 3rd grade has been extremely hard for him. All of his classmates moved to a different campus this year and he was left behind. He was only able to complete 8 weeks of school last year because of his diagnosis with Leukemia...I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT THAT I CAN SPELL THAT WORD WITH SUCH EASE. He was mad because he had to stay in the 3rd grade, he was mad because he had to leave regular class and get special help, he was mad he had to go to speech, he was mad because he had to go to occupational therapy at school and he is mad he still goes to occupational therapy at the hospital. He is sad because he feels like his friends don't like him anymore but that will be better next year in 4th grade.

June 1...Changes...I used to hate them when they came. I loved having a routine, having everything under control, no drama, perfectly calm and knowing just what was going to happen....BORING....but God was a good teacher because I no longer dread it. When your world is turned upside down, sideways, inside out and just about every way imaginable, the changes that come are okay. In the hospital, we always joked that we liked to be boring because that meant Cory was doing great. But looking back and thinking about all we went through, now I see change as a time for growth, getting stronger and to see what you're made of...and it will surprise you what you will find.

Jenn =)

A celebration....

Yesterday, October 19th, was one year since our lives were turned upside down. I had been feeling so down and depressed the past month, I decided to take the sadness and turn it into happiness.

We had a balloon release Wednesday afternoon at Hutchins Playground. We had 67 orange balloons we released. Those balloons represented Cory's battle with leukemia. They had cards attached to them with the names of the medical staff and departments we were in contact with at Texas Children's Hospital. We had numerous white balloons we released as well. Those represented hope and faith. Any guest could write a personal message on a card and it was attached to those balloons.

It was a beautiful afternoon to have the release. The wind wasn't blowing like it had been for the past two days and it was slightly warm. We had lots of family and friends that came and celebrated Cory's one year "birthday" and the celebration of God's gifts to all of us.

I read his bible verse that hung on the door to his hospital room and hangs on his bedroom door at home. I thanked everyone for all the love, support and prayers they gave us during the 159 days of our stay in the hospital and with that, we released our balloons....

These pictures do not begin to capture the sense of peace the balloon release gave us. I truly believe God was there yesterday...the balloons stayed together the entire time as they floated up to Heaven. There were three balloons that were caught in a tree. When they were finally freed, they didn't slowly float up, they moved fast, almost like they had to catch up with the rest for fear of being left behind.

There were three orange balloons that didn't make it to the release. One was popped and the other two didn't have enough helium to rise. The cards had the names of Dr. Michelle Redell, Dr. ZoAnn Dreyer and the Renal Dept. I guess God was telling us it is not time to let them go. Dr. Redell is Cory's primary oncologist and we see her once a month, the Renal Dept. is monitoring Cory's blood pressure meds and we are keeping in constant contact with them. As for Dr. Dreyer, at this time we are not in contact with her but maybe we will be in the future.

We thank everyone for taking time out of their day to join us for this celebration. It means the world to Cheyenne, Cory and myself that you remember us and keep our little man in your prayers.We truly do not know what we would have done without your support and love during those days and it is a debt we will never be able to repay.

Love to all,
Jenn